he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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