You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
