Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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