New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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