So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
