I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
