We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
