Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
