Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
