I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
