Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
