last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
