Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
