I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
