That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
