remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
