Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
