I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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