well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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