omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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