my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she looked like the before picture.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
