My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
