i barfeds in our rink
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
