I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
