Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
