His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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