We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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