i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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