I molested 6 butterflies tonight
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
