if you like me you must not know who I am
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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