I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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