Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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