i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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