the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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