apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
