I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
did i just pee glitter
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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