Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
