Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
