Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
