i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
