I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
