my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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