I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
