... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
