wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
