I think scott just propositioned me for sex
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
