No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
