I hope mine doesn't look like that
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
