ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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