if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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