Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
