i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
bring money and cleavage
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
