If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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