what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
