awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
