nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
