So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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