She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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