I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
