I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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