ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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