Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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